On Parenting and Tough Decisions

            When I was in 7^th grade my parents sat us down for a family meeting.  By this point I realized family meetings usually meant bad news.  They proceeded to say, somewhat excitedly, “We are moving home.  We are moving to St. Louis.”  St. Louis isn’t home, I thought, Bartlett is…  I had amassed some amazing friends and was living the high life as I had slowly merged into the popular crowd.  I spent the next days and even year selfishly pouting about how this decision affected me.  Never did I consider the agony that surely went into that decision.  How many tears did they shed or pros and cons did they weigh before they felt ready to sit us down and pass on that news?

            Ultimately the decision worked for us.  I would have never gone to MU, met Sephus, had my girls, worked at Oakland, (insert any other event that occurred since then) had the move not happened.  Would I still have flourished in Chicago... probably…  but this is my life and I like it. 

            Perhaps all of that was somewhere in the back of my mind when I got the call from Ridgeway Elementary today that Avery had officially been accepted through the lottery system.  We knew we were first on the waiting list, but the secretary told us it would be very unlikely that we would make it in anytime in the near future.  We were okay with this.  Though there are things we love about Ridgeway: multi-age  classrooms, a close-knit community, a history of stellar kids that have gone through the program, promise of continuity for all three girls if we moved, there were also things we loved about Parkade.  Something about it felt right.  I liked the diversity, the location, and the amazing teachers and principal we met there.  What would have been a pretty easy decision for many, was excruciating for me.  After I got the call, I burst into tears and called Sephus, my mom, and my dad.  The tears lasted almost an hour.  Much of this was from the stress of changing back to school nights, having the wrong supplies and the knowledge that Avery would find this last minute change unsettling, but much of it was about something much bigger. 

            In addition to calling into question many of my personal beliefs about social inequity and public schooling, this decision became the first tangible moment in my life when I had to make a decision for Avery.  Yes, I know I have made a million decisions from what diapers to use to whether to work or not,  But this one felt different.  It was so concrete.  Two options… two sets of consequences…  two lives…  I will never know how, but Avery’s live will inevitably be different because of this decision to go to Ridgeway.  Her friends will change; the books that are put in her hands by chance will change, the interests she have will change.  Suddenly I am so moved and overwhelmed by the power we have as parents over another human’s life.  Yes, parenting is an incredible responsibility in the form of caring for the physical well being of a child, but the mental well being is infinitely more impacting.  I don’t think there was a wrong choice, but our lives will change because of it.