Remember when I said this:
All change does involve loss… and gain… it is our job to find ways to roll down the
windows during that change and enjoy the here and now for all its scariness and
glory. I hope I can live that this year. I hope I can
grow while still respecting the past. I hope I can watch my friends
do the same.
It was the night before the current school year started and today that school year ended. I find myself wondering if I lived that goal this year.
It was a hard year. I taught two new courses at MU. I had my own students at Oakland for the
first time in three years. I held two
new positions at OMS. We battled strep
throat, ear infections, an appendicitis, the stomach flu, the real flu, a UTI,
lice, lice again, and pure exhaustion.
We lost loved ones. We tried to
maintain friendships across space and time.
We woke up most mornings still surprised that we had a third baby. We managed three drop-offs and three pick-ups
every day and germs from five different locations our family spent time in. Our house was trashed most of the year. Making lunches sometimes felt like climbing
Mount Everest at the end of a long day.
We adjusted to new work start and end times. We lived in chaos and stress.
It was a long year. Sometimes I remember something that happened
eight or even two months ago, and I wonder if that event really happened this
year. It’s crazy to me that at the start
of the year we were still living the adventure of sharing our home with
friends. I stumbled across a menu plan
for Maggie’s birthday and had to remind myself that party was within this
school year. Disneyland at Christmas
seems like years ago. At the same times,
I was constantly saying, “when did it become 2:30… Thursday… April.” It was the shortest and longest school year
of my life.
It was a good year. I passed smiling people everyday and lived
off the high that new coworkers experienced as they too fell in love with my
building. I fell in love with a group of
future teachers who shared their reactions to media each week. I fell in love with 6th graders
who I found out hug teachers as they say goodbye the last day of school. I fell in love with my daughters and husband
daily – especially during the morning crib retrieval time. I watched students truly get engrossed in
books like The Watsons go to Birmingham,
Among the Hidden, Crash, and Witness. I got to travel to Boston and New Orleans to
hone my teaching skills. I stood in the
fake snow in front of Sleeping Beauty’s Castle while I shivered soaking wet
from a nighttime ride on Splash Mountain.
I watched a seal twist and turn close to a shore in the Pacific Ocean
the day before the year turned. I took
part in a faculty book club that allowed me to devour books and then share them
with others. I gained relatives. I made new friends. I felt joy and engagement this year.
I forgot that I aimed to embrace individual moments
this year, but looking back I think I did.
I have started trying really hard to say, “things are good right
now… your knee doesn’t hurt right now…
Maggie is happy right now… none of your
students are going crazy right now” When
we think too long and hard about what went wrong in the past, or what could go
wrong in the future, we forget the moment that has been presented to us at the
moment and in the moment. Being obsessed
with change, loss, and gain can make it harder to live in the present. In my early days of teaching I stumbled across
a thoughtful quote and plastered it across a bulletin board from many
classrooms ago. As I remember it once again I hope to carry it into the summer
and all my days ahead:
“Look to this day for it is life. The very life of life.” - Kalidasa
This overwhelming and wonderful year of
change and ups and downs has been the very life of life.
I am lucky to have lived it.
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