On Being 36...

This is 36 by Danielle Johnson

Inspired by This is 45 by Emily Mendell http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emily-mendell/this-is-45the-eye-of-life_b_4648004.html

This is 36…  the trenches of growing up.  Thirty-six is when you no longer feel like you’re just playing house.  The newness of “on your own” has worn off a bit, but firsts still linger around every corner.  You still get to decide what’s for dinner and what time you go to bed and when to shower and brush your teeth, but you have to decide what’s for dinner, can’t stay awake anyway and showers become increasingly less optional.  The responsibility you longed for is here with a vengeance at 36.    

 Thirty-six is sitting in the car a little longer than you need to after daycare pick-up because walking in the house means emptying the dishwasher, packing lunches and bath night.  It’s staring across the table at your third grader and seeing a brief glimpse of her toddler self in her face and knowing that each of these chores is a gift that will be missed one day. 

Thirty-six is softball night, and gymnastics night, and dance night, and Taekwondo night and trying to somehow work a balanced meal in more often than you don’t.  Thirty-six is trying to squeeze in a chapter of Harry Potter after homework and before bed because reading it again out loud is almost as much fun as reading it at two in the morning the summer you had no responsibilities. 

Thirty-six is still getting to call your mom everyday, but sometimes doing math with anxiety.  How old will my kids be if my parents make it to their 80's?  70's?  But then again they could make it to 90 or 100?  Thirty-six is knowing what an immeasurable blessing it is that your Grandma knows each one of your babies and they know and love her.  Thirty-six is not having talked to your mother-in-law in 10 years and imagining how much joy she and your children would have brought each other. 

Thirty-six is when those who entertain you and care for you and serve you are suddenly your age or younger and that makes you feel older than a 20^th high school reunion planning session could ever make you feel.  Thirty-six is downloading Snap Chat but deciding it’s really more trouble than it’s worth and “why don’t people just text each other?”

Thirty-six is wishing you no longer cared when you got left out or friendships changed but the teen trapped inside still battles against the confidence and logic of 36-year-old you.  Thirty-six is also realizing that a few people you can always count on will always mean a million times more than followers and likes. 

Thirty-six is knowing that you still have a lot of life left to live and changes to see.  Thirty-six is excitement about what lies ahead with the best yet to come. 

This is thirty-six.  This is the life I chose and would choose again.