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| My proof that Sephus is a well-balanced man! |
When I was a little girl the absolute coolest human being in
the whole wide world was my big brother Jason.
He was 22 months older than me, and I was star struck by him. I wanted his full attention at all times, and
I wanted to be him more than anything.
This manifested itself into failed stunts such as trying to pee into a
training toilet while standing up. If
you have never attempted this as a female, let me assure you that it makes
quite a mess and can upset a young mom trying to care for two toddlers. I can clearly remember looking up at Jason
standing as king of the playground on top of a slide at Bartlett Park - chest
glistening high above. I immediately
ripped my shirt off too because I was hot and wanted to be king of the slide
alongside him. My Grandma Rubin quickly
admonished me for such a tasteless act, and I sauntered off pouting and
confused by her statement, “little girls can’t do that.” This was one of the first times I came face
to face with my gender and the impact it would have on my life.
Growing up
with brothers has a profound effect on females.
Sure, I played with my share of dolls when I was a child, had a killer
Walgreen’s dollar-nail-polish collection, and could enjoy girl drama at recess
with the best of them, but I was not prone to embracing many stereotypical
aspects of femininity. Because Jason and
Jon were, and remain to this day, a few of the people I most like to pass time
with, I developed a comfort around males that not all women might have. I am able to hang with a bunch of guys and
remain totally unfazed by some of the words that come out of their mouths,
especially when talking about girls, because I had heard it all being near my
brothers and their friends. Because I admired the two so much, I think I grew
up viewing male company and admiration at the ultimate goal in life. This translated into having my first crush at
age five when I would chase Jason’s best friend around his bedroom in hopes of
a kiss on the cheek. In middle school it
translated into trying to find a boy to flirt with in each class period so I
had a reason to attend. In high school
it meant placing all male relationships in front of my girlfriends to the point
where my best friend had to call me out one evening our junior year.
Luckily, my
one-year stint in an all girls dorm with some of the coolest women I could ever
meet taught me the value of female friendships.
As I hang out with some of my best adult friends at Lake of the Ozarks I
am reminded of the power of females in my life.
Last night, as we drank wine (0r Shirley Temples) around the lake, I
told these lovely ladies that I get something from hanging out with them that I
could never get from a room full of men.
The energy and buzz of conversation is something I crave and thrive on.
Gender is
on my mind as I prepare for the birth of my third daughter!!! The irony of this is not missed by me. As a teenager, I swore up and down that I
would have all boys when I grew up. They
were cheaper, easier and just more fun.
Now I realize the beauty of girl company; I am fascinated by this role
of sister that I see played out every day by Avery and Tessa. I am amazed at the amount of purple and pink
that has gathered in my house…
When I
first met Sephus our good friend who set us up said that I would like him
because he was androgynous. This sounded
AWFUL to me. Is that like a worm, I
thought… After eleven years I see the
total truth in this wise observation.
Sephus is a foreboding male at 6 feet 6 inches. His current hobbies are brewing beer and
catching raccoons in the back yard. He
can talk football as needed with my dad or whoever else is around. At the same time, he is spending his weekend
playing with our girls and pinning trail mix ideas on Pinterest. Later this month he will be decorating his
fifth cake for a friend. I think I am a
bit androgynous myself. I was able to
get ready in five minutes last night for girl’s night, and I am career focused
to a fault. At the same time, I oohed
and aahed over pink and brown newborn kimono shirts at Carter’s yesterday and
took part in a gossip session or two after dinner. I desperately hope that together we can use
this balance to create strong independent females who can mesh with both
genders.
I
believe firmly in the power of gender and interactions based on it in to shape
who we are as people. I believe our
gender both opens and closes doors for us.
My goal for my girls is to embrace who they are and to open more doors
than are closed. I hope that they can
find balance in a houseful of females.
And if not, I know I will at least probably never have to mop up pee off
the floor due to a failed attempt to mimic a hero of an older brother.
