Two months ago I completed my comps making me ABD in my
pursuit of a PhD. In the past few years
I have had four articles accepted for publication. After my first year of teaching I was
nominated for first year teacher of the year.
In high school I went from being the new student at school who didn’t
even have anyone to sit by at lunch to being nominated student council
president. All of these accomplishments
pale in comparison to the pride I felt Monday when I was able to load Maggie
into the car, pick up both of my other girls at two different schools, change
them into tights and leotards, and get them into the dance classroom before the
class officially started. Or on Tuesday
when I showered in between feedings and then headed off to the grocery store
where I figured out how to push and load a cart while holding the pacifier in
Maggie’s mouth avoiding one of her classic scream sessions. Newborns are tough…
Whenever I
meet a new baby I tear up as I listen to the new mother talk. My heart breaks as I sympathize with the
inadequacies, hormonal outbursts and sleepless nights that will be a part of
the days ahead while being a bit jealous of the soft skin snuggles that come
with the territory. The momentousness of
this life change is never lost on me…
Welcoming a new baby into the world is one of the most amazing,
challenging, rewarding and scariest of live events. In the past four weeks I have performed the
following searches on my IPhone:
How often
do infants sleep?
Infants and
goop in eyes
Normal
temperature for infants
Infants and loose stool, infants
and smelly gas, color of infant poop…
(and various other questions about excrement)
When can babies track?
When can babies see color?
Infants and leg twitching (even
texted a bunch of friends and bugged the poor pediatrician on FB over that
one…)
Rock n play sleeper safe to sleep
in
How do I keep my infant from
catching our family’s cold?
How much breast milk to gain the
benefits
Acid reflux in infants
Best formula for AR…
Mastitis or engorgement?
C-Section scar burning after two
weeks
And a variety of other postpartum healing
searches not fit for print…
No matter what I typed someone else had asked the exact same
thing. It’s normal to feel totally
insecure in these early days. The funny
thing is that this is my THIRD time doing this, and think I feel calmer this go
round! I truly believe Maggie will
breathe through the night, and I didn’t freak out when she did catch that family
cold after all… This just all goes to
show that being a new mom is hard no matter how many times you have done it.
Being a new
mom can be isolating. I always forget
how much my identity is intertwined in the productivity and socialization
integral to a day’s work. I actually was
jealous of Sephus when he headed off to work Monday. Being home all day can cut you off from
people that are normally an important part of your day. (Yesterday I watched six episodes of Frasier
and when I woke up I found myself instantly wondering how these fictional
characters were fairing…) Lack of sleep
can make you cranky… (Look at all those
assholes who made it to REM sleep last night.
I bet they actually ate sitting down with both hands too!!!!) Hormones can turn getting teary while
watching The Descendants into an hour long cry session where you wonder, among
other things, if anyone will ever be willing to watch a baby that cries so
much, and if not, will you ever be able to leave your house alone again…???
Being a new
mother is also wonderful. There is
always that moment when you go from loving your baby because all babies are
loveable in their wide-eyed, soft-skin, helpless little warm radiator kind of
way, to loving YOUR baby. There is that
moment when they become a real person…
when their name suddenly fits…
when you want to literally eat them up because you cannot breathe their
essence back into you to the point of satisfaction. There was a time when I was not sure I would
ever have a baby of my own, and then we were blessed three times over. Three times I was allowed to fall in love –
with Avery
And then Tessa
And now Maggie.
I anxiously await those milestones that mirror her sisters
and those moments that are all her own.
I know that in five short weeks I will sit at work like a school girl
with a crush who simply cannot wait for that moment when I get to lay my eyes
on one of the loves of my life once more come the end of the work day.
It is important to keep it all in perspective… to remember how lucky I am even in the throes
of a terrible tantrum… and of course, to
keep watching Frasier.
