When I decided to spend two years teaching only part-time at Oakland so I could finish up my PhD coursework and experience a graduate assistantship, it was Jayme Pingrey who helped make that possible.
When I was too cheap to buy Tessa BPA free bottles and just wanted to use the ones that Avery thrived on, it was Jayme who organized my book club to chip in and keep those nasty chemicals away from Tess J.
When I had to work with an editor for the first time on a piece about Missouri Writing Project’s Youth Programs commissioned by the National Writing Project, it was Jayme who helped make it bearable by rolling her eyes with me at having to change one more revised section back to the way we had it written in the first place.
When I was stupid enough to take a pregnancy test at work (long story) and was dying to tell someone and had no access to Sephus, it was Jayme who holed up with me in her office to decide if that faint line really meant I would be a mom for the third time.
And when I went to Orlando, Florida and checked into a crappy two bed hotel room with the Pingreys and Nick Kremer late at night and didn’t want to spend a restless night curled up next to a male co-worker… well that time it was Ryan Pingrey who helped me out by letting me sleep next to Jayme but you get the picture…
So, when Jayme and Ryan sold their house after just over a week on the market, I didn’t have to think twice about offering our extra space in the basement up to them as they were displaced waiting for their new home to be built. I ran it by Sephus, and he didn’t have to think long either. This would make the fifth time we had someone live with us since getting married (Leia as she waited for her home to be built, Roger as he prepped for the Bar exam, Treena as she completed a rotation at University hospital and Jon as he completed his M.A. in teaching degree and his first year of teaching.) Of course, this would be the first time that kids came along, but honestly, we still didn’t think long. We have decided that thinking too hard about things can sometimes keep you from embracing life’s next adventure, but more about that later.
When people heard what we were doing they wavered between curious fascination, pure amusement, kind concern, and shocked judgment. We heard things such as:
“Better you than me!”
“How are things at the commune?”
“I couldn’t do it…”
“You guys are good people!”
“What are you going to do about…?”
Each time I heard the last question I thought, “Oh… I really hadn’t thought about that…” and then quickly decided I was glad I hadn’t. If I did, I might have said no. Details work themselves out. Sixty days into it we are a well-oiled machine and have grown accustomed to each other’s presence. I love to cook, so I handle most of the meals. Jayme knows how to simplify and maintain sanity so she cleans up after me whispering and repeating, it’s okay to throw things away… it’s okay to say no… The kids think it’s one big vacation and spend hours playing and laughing. Dinners are noisy, “I want to sit by Weston or I want the Princess plate,” but they are so much fun. Last night, Corinne turned to Avery and said, “Avery, would you like to say something?” It made me think about how all five are growing together. Months mean so much more the first five years of life. I love watching our good friends’ children mature right in front of our eyes, and I love watching how our children adjust to and welcome these new players in our daily lives. I think Americans are so into independent, we forget that life is meant to be communal. Now I am not suggesting that we all turn into two family households, and I am sure there will be things we welcome about returning to our own separate addresses, but for now I am embracing this experience that others will never get to have and that we would never have had if we thought too much about how it would all work out before we jumped in. Each new person we have brought into our home has helped us reflect on our marriage, or our parenting style and therefore, make us better people. Plus, we enjoy a lot more wine and Dairy Queen with built in friends.
I think that this life is about collecting as many experiences as you can before you pass on to something else, and I think those experiences are best when they let those around us get a little bit closer to who we are at our core. Thoreau gets at this by telling us to suck the marrow out of life so that when it comes time to die we don’t discover that we never really lived. We are meant to travel to as many places as we can, read as many books as we can, try as many foods as we can (or are willing to – I’m kind of picky), sing as many songs as we can and most importantly, let many people crawl deeply into our lives. So don’t think of us as some sort of heroes; we are getting way more than we are giving as we are allowed to enact our life philosophy yet again. And don’t say you could never do this; If you are kind enough to read my blog, you are the kind of person who lets people into your head (and hopefully heart) so your home is not too far of a stretch.
A challenge to anyone still reading along - Humor me; say yes to something that seems crazy or impractical or out of your interactive comfort zone, and let me know how it goes. Consider it one more experience in this wonderful life.
